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THE CONDUCTOR

Q: What's the difference between a conductor and a sack of shit?
A: The sack.

Q: If Hitler, Stalin and a conductor all walked into the room in which you were standing, and you had a gun but only two bullets, who would you shoot first?
A: The conductor...twice.

Q: Why are conductors' hearts so coveted for transplants?
A: They've had so little use.

Q: What does a good conductor weigh?
A: 28 ounces, not counting the urn.

We know a guy who was so dumb his teacher gave him two sticks and he became a drummer but then lost one and became a conductor.

Q: If you throw a conductor and a violist off a tall building, who'll hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?

Q: What's the difference between a bull and a symphony orchestra?
A: The bull has the horns in front and the ass in the back.

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a conductor?
A: A Doberman.

Q: What do all great conductors have in common?
A: They're all dead.

 

 

 

LET'S LAUGH - PT. 1

Q: How many Musician jokes are there?
A: Just one -- all the rest are true!!

Q: What did Mozart recently say to a noisy visitor?
A: "Shhhh! I'm decomposing!"

Q: How are conductors and condoms similer?
A: It's safer with them, but more fun without!

Q: What do trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.

Q. How is a savings bond like a musician?
A. Eventually it may mature and make some money.

Q: How many reggae musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Light bulb? We spent da' money on spliffs, mon!

Q: What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?
A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.

There were two people walking down the street.

One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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